The Russian Roulette

I didn't foresee it coming, but it was coming, of that I was sure off, there was an undue silence, suddenly the whole place fell silent, was I going deaf, nah, I wasn’t, maybe too much of whiskey in me was responsible for things going numb and this deafening silence, perched in a sofa, felt as comfortable as a crocodile lying on a sandy shore, puffing away my cigarette, man! that thing tasted sweet, as sweet as  honey, I sat there still in a room plagued by darkness, something about darkness had always made me comfortable, I didn’t know what it was but it felt soothing, like an ice cube dropped onto a glass filled with whiskey, there was this poster on the wall that kept staring back at me, it was kind of growing onto me, a picture of a person holding a gun onto his head and just before he was about to pull the trigger, he had this smirk on his face that told me something, death is not something to be afraid off, but rather an adventure to seek out for, nobody can tell you how it feels like to be dead or what happens when you dead, the only way to find out is to put a bullet in your head and find out yourself, they called it the “Russian Roulette”, load a single bullet onto a pistol and then try killing yourself, if your time is up it fires, if not you live to see another day, I wanted to try that out because only men with real balls, could dare to do something of this sort.


 I rose from my sofa, walked towards my drawer, pulled out the 9 mm pistol, the Glock 17, it belonged to my dad, it was his prized possession, he kind of had it as long as he was alive, it kind of reminded him of his days back in the army, now it’s just a souvenir to remember him by, I loaded it with a single bullet, placed it on my right temple and just when I was about to pull the trigger, my entire life played like a video in a fast forward motion, some things I did that I was proud off and something’s that I wasn't,  there are always certain things you regret, yeah, I had some of those, maybe I should have let go of my ego and told my dad that I forgave him for not having been there in my life and my girl who loved me, that I felt the same way for her too, I wasn't some heartless schmuck and that I too was programmed to have emotions and feelings just like everybody around, its just that I didn't know how to go about it, I wasn't sure whether I was that relationship type guy,well now its too late to find it out,she is somebody else's girl now and my dad is no more, so that’s my story until now, I walked towards my balcony, I could get a good view of my city as I was perched on the 10th floor, took one last look at the city I grew up in, it looked a lot different, it wasn't the same city anymore, I hadn't seen a 20-storey building back when I was a kid and now it was a common sight, I whispered the words “Hey dad, here I come” and I pulled the trigger, the gun went off but didn't fire, “Oh, shit, I lived to see another day” which reminded me of the fact that my drink was done and that I had to get another one.